Drifting

29 06 2011

Could it just be the weather or is this feeling of uselessness real? Maybe it is the slow-down of summer. The endless juggling of violin lessons, cello lessons, track meets, symphony practices and birthday parties are suddenly over and I am rudderless.

Oh God. Am I one of those Moms whose life is defined by their children? If that is true, they do define me quite nicely. Both had straight A’s this year in school and Maya was accepted into the Science and Math Institute and will be starting high school (gasp!) next year. They are talented, funny and crazy smart. I could not function without them. Their successes are so amazingly exciting and their potential is unbelievable.

I think my problem is that when things for them slow down it emphasizes that my successes and potential are not all that they should be. My work is fantastic in the sense that it gives me incredible freedom. I work from home a lot, I am always there for the kids’ events…..but the work itself is not lighting any kind of fire in me, and hasn’t in a while. I have no idea what would. That is the disturbing thing. The most exciting thing I have going on is a “Crap to do this Summer” list on my refrigerator that lists exciting things like:

  • Paint the fence
  • Make curtains for the living room
  • Re-finish the bedroom floors
  • Paint the patio furniture

Really?  THAT’S what I want to do this summer?  It has to be done, but where’s the fun and adventure?  Where is the spark? 

A while back my sister mentioned that she missed my blog posts that were not written about my kids. She loves them, but she liked to hear “me”. I just didn’t have anything to say about me. 

I’ll have to see what I can do about that.