Not So Super After All

6 02 2008

Tonight I had to make a semi-emergent dash to the grocery store for tampons.  We’ve all been there – either as the tampon-ee or the dedicated boyfriend of one, right? 

I am not one to be shy or embarrassed buying tampons, condoms or anything of that nature.  But tonight was different.

You see, there is this adorable guy that works the grocery store check out line.  For a long time I flirted outrageously with him.  He is tall and has longish curly hair.  I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for the throw back hippie type.  He’s not even that, really.  He’s just…oh, he’s adorable.  Then I found out he was married with children – one of which both my girls goes to school with.

Damn. 

I stopped flirting (overtly, anyway), but I continue to stare at him when he is not looking.  I don’t deny it.

There were only two checkout lanes open when I got to the store.  The 10 Items and Under lane was staffed by him, and the other no-limit lane was staffed by one of the women that I regularly see working there.  I skittered into the tampon aisle thinking, “I will get my tampons and go through the lady’s line when I see his queue up a bit…”  I had a perfect view of his line down the coffee aisle, which I perused and passed by for a few minutes, irritated at the speed he helped his customers.

No queue formed.

I headed to the bread aisle.  There I could view both lanes.  I assumed that with a well-timed saunter to the front of the store I could make it there simultaneously with another customer, graciously letting them go in the fast lane and taking the other lane for myself.  This fantastic plan was foiled by a sudden glut of 3 overflowing carts lining up at the woman’s lane.

I would have to wait 10 minutes at the least to have another chance.  There was no way….I had left the girls home with a “I’ll be back in 5 minutes.” 

I wandered, muttering to myself things like, “C’mon Shari, he obviously knows that women menstruate.  What’s the big deal?  He’ll just be assured of your fertility….that’s good, right?”  But it wasn’t good.  I wanted him to view me as a clean, non-menstruating 35 year-old female (a still fertile, non-menstruating 35 year-old female, that is).  I didn’t want his vision of me to be besmirched by the Kotex Supers lounging in the bottom of the basket.

So, I did what any sane woman would do.  I bought a pint of fat free half-and-half, a greeting card and a pack of gum to distract him.

Think it worked?

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7 responses

7 02 2008
Ant

No. I reckon he probably had to make up some excuse, leave work early, then spend the rest of the day at home touching himself inappropriately whilst mumbling your name, before the wife and kids got back…

7 02 2008
noceleryplease

Every time I read a story like this, I think all the gods in the universe for the miracle that is Depo Provera.

7 02 2008
renn

Maybe.

It’s always harder with the cute ones, isn’t it?

8 02 2008
ultratoast

Did you MacGuyver those ingredients into a rudimentary sanitary item?

8 02 2008
tiff

ultrataost! Bwuahahahaa!

I think we’ve all been that woman in the aisle with the box of tampons, a bottle of wine, and a half-gallon of Chunky Monkey.

I mean, it can’t just be you and ME, right?

20 02 2008
Bella

…unfortunately…he had no clue about the cover-up.

20 04 2009
Just the Necessities « If Swallowed, Induce Vomiting

[…] the Necessities 20 04 2009 Remember that time when I had to go through the cute guy’s checkout line at the grocery store and all I needed […]

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