Babysitting Crisis 2005!

30 12 2005

I have a different babysitter over this winter break. She is a teenager.

This is not good.

This is a list of everything that happened when I came home from work Wednesday night.

  • Actually, before I came home, she called me and flippantly happened to mention, “Oh, my Mom wants to spend some time with me, so I can’t babysit Thursday or Friday.” I called her Mom, and she knew nothing about this plan.
  • I got home, said hello to the babysitter, her friend (a girl that I allowed to come over that day), and Maya, then went looking for Sophie. As I neared the bathroom, I thought she was in there with the door open. She always does that. And….I heard a little “tinkling” sound. I waited….and waited….and waited for that sound to stop. The girl does not have that large of a bladder, so I stepped into the bathroom – and into a huge pool of water. The toilet was overflowing. It seemed to be clean water….thank God…..and it was all merrily cascading down the heater vent in the floor.
  • After returning from taking her home I noticed that my front screen to my picture window (that I just bought this fall and it took 2 days to get it on the window right because it was so damn tight) was lying in the middle of my front yard.
  • I opened the silverware drawer to find it totally devoid of anything silver or ware-ish. It was all in the dishwasher. All of it. If I had a dinner party for 15 people, I wouldn’t use all my silverware. I asked the girls if they new anything about it. They said that “the babysitter” had been laughing and trying to scare Sophie by………get this……..throwing silverware at her. From the kitchen into the living room. Yeah!
  • At this point, I decided to call her and find out just what the hell was going on. Her friend answered the phone and I suppose it was pretty obvious that I was angry. When I asked for the babysitter to be put on the phone, she hesitated and finally stuttered out, “She’s in the bathroom.” When I said that I would be happy to wait, she said that, “Uh….well… she’s, she’s…..throwing up.” I was not happy and told her that I could spot bullcrap like that a million miles away and I expected a call back that evening.
  • She called. And denied or had a lame excuse for everything. The silverware incident? Didn’t have any answer to that one, just dead silence.
  • I explained to her that I was very angry that she disrespected my home, my kids and my intelligence. She could come (with her MOTHER) to pick up her paycheck on Friday when I got home from work.
  • Her little friend called and left a message on my machine when I was out about how “She feels sorry for “babysitter “. And you are really mean. And you made her cry.” I sincerely wanted to throttle that little bitch. If my kids ever do that to an adult that they don’t know that was kind enough to let them in their house, I will personally inflict physical and emotional damage onto their sorry behinds.
  • She called me back 4 times when I was talking to a friend. I detest caller ID and won’t answer it, but the beeping thing finally had me so angry that I picked it up. She wanted to know why I fired her. WTF! First of all, she quit….she was only working until the end of this week, and secondly – she needed her ass fired.

All this in one day.

And I didn’t even mention that on the first day she got in trouble because when I came home these items were all gone…

  1. an entire plate of brownies
  2. 1/2 a chocolate cake (that Sophie had won)
  3. a quart of ice cream
  4. a half gallon of orange juice
  5. two boxes of fruit roll ups
  6. 2 frozen pizzas
  7. and I am sure numerous other things that I didn’t notice

I had to talk to her about this on the very first day!

I have another babysitter, never fear. I think the worst is over.





Fuzzy Pictures Soon A Thing Of The Past!

29 12 2005

Last night, amid the “Babysitting Crisis 2005” I got an incredible tidbit of news.

My highly intelligent, charming, pretty, adventureous, quick-learning, adaptable, works-well-with-others sister left me a message. It went a little something like this……

“Hi Shar-bear. (Only she is allowed to call me this. Anyone else tries to pull anything funny…well, you just won’t like what will happen to you.) I noticed on your blog that Santa didn’t bring you a new digital camera for Christmas, so I am bringing you one for New Year’s.”

I was listening to this while Maya was standing beside me. (Remember, she is the daughter who told Santa that all she wanted for Christmas was for me to get a digital camera because mine was stolen…)

She smiled a secretive sort of smile, looked up at me and said, “Santa is so smart. He knew that was going to happen.”

And I cried. I cried because of the generosity of my sister. I cried because of the sweetness and innocence of my daughter.

And I laughed at the same time.

Thank you Shannon. You made my year.





What We Did This Month – A Story In Fuzzy Pictures

28 12 2005
Winter Blast 2005 arrived in the Puget Sound. Panic spread far and wide. Generators were tested, food and water horded, emergency blankets purchased.

Then it melted the next day and we went back to work.

Our Winter Blast 2005 Snow Fort. It kind of fell over right after this picture.

Christmas Eve came and blue mush was stirred. Did you know that if you are lacking in the “mush” part of the recipe, you can use rice? Reindeer love rice. Didn’t you know that?

Sophie stirs the blue rice for the reindeer.

One must also make your children pose with blue mush. This is essential to having a good holiday. If you don’t do this, everything will really suck.

Oooo….look at the pretty tree/stockings/presents! Also note the girls new PJ’s.

It is also a great tradition to pose your children sitting on the largest present possible. It is more stable, thereby making it the safest picture. Plus, the hugeness of the present makes you look like a fantastic parent.

The socks, slippers and dresses were also Christmas gifts. I had nothing to do with Sophie’s pony tails. Nothing.

The girls open the huge gift. I love this picture most of all because it really wraps up the chaos and excitement of the moment. I did that on purpose. It has nothing to do with the fact that my post-having-my-good-camera-stolen-by-the-evil-busboy digital camera really is just terrible at taking pictures. Any and all pictures apparently.

The red blur on the left is Maya. The blue blur in the center (with the blurry stripey socks) is Sophie.

And your month?





Only 363 Shopping Days Till Christmas!

27 12 2005

Sigh…

It’s over.

I’m glad!

I love Christmas and I think I am one of the few people on earth who is not stressed out this time of year…..but man, I am always glad when it’s over.

We had a wonderful weekend. Friday (Little Christmas Eve), my friend Jeannie came over to partake of a Norwegian (re: fishy food) feast with me. We had clam chowder, shrimp, and she was kind enough to bring Glogg. Glogg is very, very important.

Preparations were the key to Christmas Eve. One must make the blue mush, cookies for Santa, and basically run around breathlessly with excitement for a good 14 hours before finally going to bed. By the end of the day Maya wanted to go to bed at 6:00 because “it just seems like 5 minutes or something until you’re awake again.” That girl has some logic. (I’ve always said she was part Vulcan. Her one pointy ear is a dead give-away.)

Sophie and Maya wrote a note to Santa that said….

“Dear Santa,

How are you? We hope you’re good.

Do you know our names? If you do write them. ______ ________

Have we been good this year? Maya______ Sophie________

We love you.

Maya and Sophie”

(hmmm…. I wonder if their names are…. Maya and Sophie?)

Santa, of course, responded with the correct names and both the girls got a “very good”. He also added that he was very proud of them because they are kind and treat each other with respect. (You must take advantage of every opportunity for positive reinforcement!)

I stuffed stockings, set out the Santa gifts, ate all but one bite of the cookies, dumped out the milk (Santa might like milk, but not me!), emptied the blue mush, dumped cornstarch on the front step and drew in a reindeer track…… well, you get the picture. And I was well rewarded with one more year of the Santa magic still intact!

whew….it was a close one.

The next day was chaos, joy, abundance and laughter. What a great day. The girls got tons of toys from their Dad and I (of course) got them clothes and more useful things. I was able to get a bit grandiose this year and purchased a beautiful piano keyboard. It’s awesome. Same size and feel as a real piano, but it takes up tons less room. Oh, and it has 500 different “voices” – guitar, grand piano, flute…..dog barking, space ships….. all the important stuff. They were absolutely shocked. And incredibly excited to start piano lessons next Monday.

I got Sophie a beautiful easel. She is very serious about becoming an artist, you know. When she opened it she just sat and stared at the picture on the box for quite a long time. I asked her if she was okay, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “Wow. Mommy it looks – expensive.” She was overwhelmed. By an easel. At six.

Cool.

Maya’s favorite thing was something that I picked up last minute at Costco. You know how everything comes in large economy sizes there? Well, this little girls makeup kit that I got her came in a econo-sized suitcase. There is enough glitter and fruity smelling lip gloss in there to keep her smelling like papayas and glittering like a Vegas show girl for at least a few years. It was ridiculous and unnecessary.

That’s what made it great.

(Just a side note: I only let her wear all this stuff at home. Don’t look at me like that.)

And me? I got some gift cards from family, an alarm clock (so I don’t have to use my old beat up watch anymore), and wonder of wonders….a Minnesota Vikings fleece pullover.

I have been a Vikings fan since I was little and they were actually good. The “Purple People Eaters” phase. The shock of this gift is that it came from John (the girls Dad). You see, we don’t really get along that well….. my very first post on this blog is about him. Most of the time, I deal with him in toleration-mode for the girls. Sometimes I barely do that. But sometimes he can come right out and shock me with something good. (“Something good” usually runs along the lines of offering me a piece of gum.) But that sweatshirt was a big deal. And I’ll tell you why…

John is a HUGE sports junkie. He knows everything about every sport. It’s creepy. If you’re watching a basketball game, he will mention some abstract thing about a player and then three seconds later the announcer will say the same thing. No one should ever know what much about sports without a teleprompter.

He’s also from New York. Probably enough said. (Rabid fan of the Yankees, the Knicks and the Jets) If you are not rooting for a New York team, you are basically a pile of crap as far as he is concerned. He teases me unmercifully about the Vikings. One year they actually got in the playoffs, and when the lost I cried and cried. He laughed, jumped up and down, and pointed at me.

A lot.

When we were together he would get me gifts that weren’t really fitting to me. Jewelry, perfume… all nice to have, but not really something that I love. One year he got me the perfect gift. I thought he finally had me figured out and that it was a sure sign that we would be together forever.

He got me Tom Brokaw’s biography.

How I love Tom Brokaw. He is my dream man.

Anyway…….I still have the book, but John is long gone……

So the sweatshirt was nice. It doesn’t mean that I have to like him or anything. But it was nice.

All in all, it was a wonderful few days.

I hope all of yours were great, too!





Happy Little Christmas Eve

23 12 2005

It’s finally here! Little Christmas Eve! And I now know that it wasn’t just something made up by my Grandpa Lars! See?

The feasting on lefse, clam chowder, pickled herring and lutefisk can begin!!!

Have a great holiday everyone! See you back here on Tuesday….





Shari Santa Has Arrived!!

22 12 2005

And let me tell ya….that trip down the chimney was a bitch! I know it’s early, but I just couldn’t wait any longer!

So no one feels like I am playing favorites, I will meter out my gifts in alphabetical order.

#######
To my swanky international (Canadian) friend Anika who wished fervently for a puppy….

I give you that puppy. But I also give you a random guys crotch. Because, you know, us single gals have to stick together.

I also gift to you the ability to do the the yoga “puppy” pose. As we all know, it is a version of downward facing dog, and it’s just one of those things that may come in handy with the above gift. *blush* Use it as you see fit.


#######
And to my friend Ant. Another swanky international blogger who wished for a fast, flashy and fancy car…..

Ta-Da!

OOPs! That’s MY car (yes, the infamous Minty Squirrel)

Here’s the one I really want you to have….

or you can choose this instead…

Just let me know your choice.

#######

Now on to Miss Janie. You had quite the list little one. To be honest, I just didn’t have the time to conjure up world peace for you, but I got you the next best thing….

And a totally huge assortment of knitting needles…

And that holiday with your blogger friends? You’re hosting! Remember? See you soon! 🙂

########
Megan. The one gift that was harder than World Peace. Mexico. Do you have any idea how I would love to really give you this? I know what it means to you. I know you really, really want it. All these other gifts were fun to seek out, but yours broke my heart a little bit. I love you and fervently hope that you someday get your wish for real.

And I also give you a day of eating shrimp with your Dad on the beach. Merry Christmas.


########
To my Imaginary Internet Triplet Sister Sherri….

Thinner Thighs!

Longer Hair!

And a calorie/fat free chocolate fountain for your foyer!


########
And Squishi….I loved your list of things. Really? All you want is a toy for your budgie bird and a self cleaning fish tank?

Here’s something for Bob…

And who wouldn’t want a fish tank coffee table….

I know you’re thinking, “Is it really self-cleaning?”. Well, no. But, how about your own…..(drumroll)….

Fish Tank Cleaning Pool Boy!!!

#######

And a note to all my other lovely friends..

If you weren’t given a gift it isn’t because I don’t love and care about you. You had to actually leave me your list dummy! So you can’t be mad a me!

Merry Christmas (and any and all other various holidays) everybody!





Found!

22 12 2005

I just spent the last hour perusing this site….

www.foundmagazine.com

Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?????