Continental Drift

21 09 2005

I entreat everyone to delve into their past – way back to Earth Science class in Junior High….

Remember studying about Continental Drift? It is the phenomenon of the earth’s tectonic plates moving slowly, subducting at times, pushing up mountain ranges at others. Basically moving the continents around the earth in excruciatingly slow geologic time.

Remember Pangaea? The theory that at one time all the continents were smooshed together into a super-continent?

Well, I had a epiphany last night. My body is this whole continental drift thing – but in reverse!

At one time, the continents of my body were in their correct position. North America and Europe (my boobs) were exactly where they belonged in the northern hemisphere. South America/Africa (my ass) had that cut little bump at the top and tapered down toward the south pole…..

But alas, continental drift has begun. Yes, it’s true. I have, over an epoch (approximately 13 years) begun to develop a Pangaea Belly. The continents are accumulating. Magnetic North has drifted.

We won’t even discuss the hail damage on my thighs.

Sigh.

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