What I Should Be For Halloween

Your Haloween Costume Should Be

A Pimp

What Should You Be For Halloween?

AH-HA!

NOW I know why I have the rogue red hair! Why I love math! And I love to do yoga!

In a Past Life…

You Were: A Redhead Mathematician. Where You Lived: Tibet. How You Died: Killed in Battle.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

And I have always said that I wanted to go to Valhalla after I die. (Where you die in battle everyday, then feast at the great hall and have your sex slaves all night).

It all makes sense to me now.

(Happy Halloween!)

Definitions of Love

I read this post on Jerk today and it made me feel….sad…..bad….and lucky all at the same time.

Go read it. Then I will explain more.

tra-la-la…..waiting for you to read. tra-la-la…..filing my fingernails. tra-la-la….fixing a snack. I KNOW it’s a long post, but this is ridiculous.

Okay, you’re back.

So, I feel sad because I kind of know that feeling of loneliness. It sucks. And no matter what you think you want, it ends up being wrong and then you get all frustrated because you don’t know if you can trust your feelings or intuition to lead you in the right direction.

Then, I feel bad because I said that I loved him because he said nice things in my fat post. Even though I wasn’t looking for nice things. Then, I actually even posted his link in my sidebar under “Bloggers I Love”. I don’t know if I was one of “those people” that he was referring to or not, but I am assuming so.

Now, I do not Loooove Jerk – you know, in the biblical sense or anything. But I love (note the lower case “l”) him because he said just the right thing at just the right time.

Last, I felt lucky because I am now over that whole lonely thing and I feel that I know myself better than I ever have. I am happy with my life. I don’t have many of those abysmal nights anymore. That is good.

So Jerk, I am changing my sidebar, just for you. And, so there is to be no more confusion-

I love you anyway.

So there.

What We Did This Weekend Version 2.0

“What We Did This Weekend” was starting to become a regular thing. I am being perfectly honest when I say that losing the ability to post weekend adventure pictures is one of the main reasons I am so upset about the camera. (Oh yeah, also the whole family heirloom and memories thing…)

I decided that I can’t let one sticky fingered bastard ruin my blogging life. So, I present to you….

“What We Did This Weekend Version 2.0″ in pen and ink. (Sort of)

Henrietta, the mother-out law came. The girls were very excited to see her. She did not say anything about my inability to dust.

She cooked and cooked and cooked. I think she thought that we were starving for good food. I love to cook, but I don’t think she trusts me with food preparation. (By the way, clockwise from upper left… fried chicken, one lasagna -others are residing peacefully in my freezer, broccoli and corn muffins.) But, it was good, so I’m not complaining.

This picture is taken from the passenger side of the vehicle. That is why it only shows Sophie and Henrietta. Notice the steering wheel size. That is what you call “perspective” in the art world.

We went numerous places in The Minty Squirrel (a.k.a. 1992 Ford Festiva). There is a reason they named it a Festiva. Because it is like driving a little festival around with you. Good times.

Rest in Peace

I hope someday to have half the courage as Rosa Parks.

A Depiction of the Evil Deed

Since I don’t have PHOTOGRAPHIC evidence, I think this is what happened…..

You just may want to see this larger. Click on it!

A Bad, Bad Thing

I have been enjoying posting my pictures from our crazy, crazy weekend jaunts. But guess what?

I lost my camera, I think.

Here is what happened (in chronological order)…

1. Took the mother-out-law to dinner.
2. Took some pictures over Chinese food.
3. Put camera down by the sugar caddy.
4. Dropped my keys between the immovable booth and the wall.
5. Asked waitress for coat hanger with which to fish out keys.
6. Was personally unsuccessful in fishing out of the keys.
7. Got up so the MOL could give it a try.
8. She did it.
9. I walked up to pay the bill.
10. We left.

I am almost positive I didn’t put my camera back in my purse. I went back to the restaurant a day later and it wasn’t there. I think some horrible person took it. I hate them.

It actually made me cry and I had bad dreams about it.

You May Lease My Friendship

I have decided that I will not be used by any of my so-called “friends” anymore. I am going to write up a friendship lease that will need to be signed by all who know and will know me.

While typing up a lease agreement today at work I read this clause….

SECTION 31. Miscellaneous.
(a) Quiet Enjoyment.
So long as Tenant is not in default under this Lease beyond any applicable grace or cure period, Tenant shall have quiet enjoyment of the Premises throughout the Lease term, subject, however, to matters of record and to those matters to which this Lease may be subsequently subordinated.

Who knew that I could hold someone accountable for my own quiet time? It is my legal right! Actually, as this reads, it is your right, if you are my tenant (a.k.a. friend) to have quiet enjoyment of me.

Hmmm…

I think I want to be the Tenant. Anyone out there interested in being my Landlord?

In Business

My friend Megan commented on the Invisibility post that she wished there were T-shirts of that drawing.

Ha.

Ask and you shall receive.

Here is a link to my new store. Everything you might need….. BBQ aprons with the “Drowning Barbies” picture, postage stamps, postcards, t-shirts…. the list goes on.

It’s really just a gag thing, but if you want to just buy, buy, buy my power bill would be happier for it!!! (That was me trying to take pressure off, then adding it back on even thicker, and now trying to take the pressure off again…)

Results of the Poll (drumroll, please)

It looks as if I am going to have to :

Delve deeper into a phone sex career.

Not a bad idea.

I was shocked, however, that the otorhinolaryngologist didn’t come in higher. Did you know that is an Ear, Nose and Throat Doctor? That has always made me laugh.

ha. ha.

Well, here are the official results….

_______________________________________________
Take up tae-kwon-do 19%

Go to school to become an otorhinolaryngologist 14%

Aquire numerous cats so as to become a “crazy cat lady” 10%

Write romance novels 24%

Delve deeper into a phone sex career 33%

None of the above…suggestion in comments 0%
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